In an episode of The Office, Michael Scott is carrying out performance reviews. During her testimonial, Angela describes how excited she is to receive her review because she takes great pride in her performance. As she walks toward Michael’s office, Pam lets him know that his girlfriend is on the phone. At which point, Michael runs off to answer the phone while telling Angela her performance was ‘totally satisfactory.’ Have you ever provided feedback to someone, and they leave not knowing what you want from them, or they keep doing the same thing? You might be Michael. Don’t be Michael. Do these five things to deliver feedback that is impactful, meaningful, and actionable.
1. Assess The Person’s Willingness For Feedback
I don’t give feedback to everyone because not everyone wants it. If you’re not responsible for providing feedback, gauge a person’s ability to receive it. My summer internship following my freshman year in college was at an investment bank in Chicago. It’s fair to say I was a hot mess. I dressed wrong, I spoke wrong, and I laughed wrong. When I say I dressed wrong, I mean it wasn’t in the manner of ‘dressing for the role you want, not the role you have.’
About halfway through the summer, another young black woman started in a full-time position. Her attire was revealing, and at times in violation of the dress code. Because we were both black, one of the managers felt I should be the one to deliver the message about her attire. I was 19. She was about 23 or 24. Being a dutiful intern, I agreed to talk with her being too naive to know that it was highly inappropriate for them to send an intern to speak with anyone, let alone this woman. She let me have it.
As a result, I began cultivating the ability to evaluate someone’s capacity to receive feedback. People managers must provide input; there’s no opt-out. However, here’s how you can gauge someone’s receptiveness to refine the message and the delivery.
- First, read a person’s non-verbal queues.
- Second, rely on past behaviors to predict their reaction.
- Third, simply ask them how they prefer to receive feedback if you can’t figure it out from non-verbals and general behavior.
- Fourth, If they aren’t your subordinate, ask if they mind some unsolicited feedback.
- Fifth, ask how they want to be recognized. That’s equally important and often forgotten.
2. Adopt The Proper Feedback Structure, A Two-Step Process
I learned this structure in a leadership course, but I practiced my own process before the course. I combined them into a two-part structure. The first part is the on-the-spot self-evaluation, and the second is my evaluation.
In the spot evaluation, I ask the person to identify what they did well or what worked well. Asking them first to evaluate themselves says you value their ability to be reflective and self-aware. I empower them to speak without interruption, agreement, or dissent. My only job is to listen and ask clarifying questions if necessary. Then I ask them to identify what didn’t go well. And lastly, ask them what they would do differently next time.
In the second part, my evaluation, I follow the same process. I say what I thought went well, what didn’t go well, and what I would like to see differently in the future. Say your complete thoughts even if it is the same thing they said. Repetition is essential to how the brain processes information.
As a best practice, don’t allow the recipient to justify the choice or behavior until you ask for it. Just as your job was to listen to them, theirs is now to listen to you. Where you ask for their response is up to you. But insist you be allowed to finish your thoughts first, and reassure them you will make space for discussion.
3. Feedback Should Be Specific And Actionable
An excellent method to remember is what you want them to start, stop, and continue. To start on a positive note, I always begin with continue.
When delivering feedback, be prepared with examples. If your manager says to you, “you did a great job on that report,” what would you repeat for the next report? Probably everything. But if your manager said, “you did a great job highlighting the advantages of the vendor in your report. It communicated how the vendor could meet our goals and expectations. Your analysis was spot on.” In your next report, you will make sure your analysis is just as thorough. By giving examples, you provide clarity.
While you should display positivity while delivering the good, when you get to what you want them to stop doing, you should provide the critique in a dispassionate matter of fact way. Why? Because the brain focuses on the negative. The mind will use the tone of voice to amplify the negativity of the message. No matter how small or minor the feedback, the brain will interpret it as “danger.”
Lastly, what you would like to see done differently (or start doing) is the actionable part of the feedback. Provide suggestions. If they already said something you want to see, repeat it and agree. The act of repeating and giving them credit lets them know you heard them when they suggested it and that it wasn’t your idea. It also creates consensus and assures them that you are a partner in their success.
4. Feedback Should Be Ongoing
Feedback isn’t a once a year event. I had a manager who was masterful at quick feedback sessions following a meeting or presentation. He would pull me aside either right then or within a day or two. If there was a conflict or someone came to him with something, he would ask my side of the story. Remember, when I said not to allow them to justify their actions before you finish delivering the feedback? Here is the exception. If you didn’t directly observe the behavior, always get their understanding of events first, then go to self-evaluation, and lastly, deliver your assessment. You will build trust this way.
The same manager did this with me when a high profile VP came to him about my “defensiveness.” What the VP left out of the story was that I was reacting to him making me the butt of his demeaning jokes. Once I had enough, my reaction was unprofessional. When my manager, a senior VP, asked me about it, I explained my version of events. He gave me his evaluation of the situation, along with his thoughts on what I could have done differently. He summed up our discussion by telling me his direct feedback to that VP.
It turns out he observed him making those jokes, and as my manager, he let him know he didn’t find them funny at all. The only reason he was silent is that I hadn’t reacted, so he thought it didn’t bother me. Once he knew it did, he stepped in. Our bond of trust strengthened.
5. Let It Go
Let it go isn’t just a Disney movie track. Once feedback has been delivered and agreed to, grant the individual the freedom to achieve it. Keep it fresh during your meetings to understand their progress, but don’t beat them up over it. If you are still bringing up feedback from two, three, ten years ago, and the person addressed it and moved on, the issue is you not them. Feedback is a gift, not a weapon.
Also, don’t put every single piece of feedback in someone’s performance review, especially if it’s one-off. That same manager was excellent with this approach. If he brought it up and I addressed it, I never heard about it again. Ever. Not in my review. Not during lunch three years later. Done is done. If the person isn’t displaying the behavior anymore, what is the benefit of punishing them? You will only drive them away.
Something else to consider is this, we see people and situations not as they are, but as we are. The criticism or the recognition you are giving may be more about your internal values and virtues. Given this, it is the recipient’s right to push back or not implement your suggestions gracefully. Read Blink* by Malcolm Gladwell to better understand how our biases impact how we evaluate others.
I spoke a lot about feedback concerning work, but this format works in your personal life as well. A human being is a human being, whether they are at work or home. I know it might seem weird to say to your husband, “honey, what worked for me is this; what didn’t work for me is this; and this is what I would like to see in the future.” I assure you it will work because the male brain likes headlines, problem-solving, and clear direction. Female brains like the structure because it’s collaborative, non-judgmental, and allows them to solve their own problems.
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