Everyone, to some degree, wants success in their life. Most people want a sense of accomplishment and to feel as though their life counts for something. We do what we have to so we can eventually do what we want. Our visions of success typically start at a young age. It’s very simple, win versus lose. Then, as we become more aware of the world, it tends towards have versus have not. Add on top of that our parents’ vision of success for us – do versus don’t do. When we’re children we believe we have access to all of the possibilities of the world. This is what allows our little minds to conceive of being a chef and an astronaut. As children, we had no limits on the meaning of success. Through time and experience, those limits were given to us. Those people who are able to identify the limits and move beyond them realize something – that the meaning of success hasn’t changed from when they were children. The key to success is to first define what success means to us as individuals.
Social media has been a great invention. It connects the world to build communities of like-minded people. It brings together people with problems with those who have solutions. But the downside of social media has been a growing dissatisfaction with our lives because it also makes it very easy to compare ourselves to one another. We look at the college roommate who is a Vice President and think they are more successful, completely forgetting the fact that it was never important to us the first place. Mass media also portrays that being rich and famous is tantamount to success. But if being a good parent is important to you and you achieve that goal, then you are living in your definition of success.
How To Define Success For Yourself
Embrace your inner child.
That little voice inside of you screaming to play in the rain knows something about you. It knows exactly what you consider to be a measure of your worth. It has always known what is important to you even as you have evolved into adulthood. The inner child is like a blueprint for a house. It built the structure of who you are, but it also allows for growth, similar to adding an addition on to the house. Do one thing you enjoyed as a child. I recently discovered there are adult coloring books. I used to sit at the kitchen table or in bed with my grandma and color. I still use the technique she taught me, a thick outline around the edge of the image then stay inside the lines. I recently realized my sister uses the same technique. As you’re doing this activity, think about the emotions and memories it brings up for you. Start to reconnect with the vision you had for your life.
Release the conditioned mind.
That little voice saying you can’t do something is not serving you. It’s just the brain doing its job. The brain is actually programmed to stop change. As long as you’re alive and breathing the brain doesn’t find change necessary, even if it benefits you. The other part of the equation is that the brain brings up things that you don’t necessarily even believe. This is what has been taught to you. Your beliefs about money, relationships, other people have more to do with what you experienced in your formative years than what you have decided to believe. When these negative thoughts pop into your mind, simply thank them for their input and continue doing what you were doing. Literally, say “thank you for your input”. When we try to suppress a thought, it becomes all we think about. But when we acknowledge a thought it’s much easier to let it slip away.
Write down your plan.
The difference between a dream and a goal is a plan with a timeline. Write down what it means to be successful to you. It is important that it’s not what your company or your spouse or parents think of as success. It should be achievable. I would love to find the cure for cancer, however, I’m not a scientist and don’t have a desire to go back to school to get a Ph.D. in oncologic biology (I don’t even know if that’s a thing). If being successful to you is about a promotion at work, write down what that level is and how you plan to get there. Once your plan is set, do not compare your progress to anyone else. Instead, you should benchmark your progress. Yes, it’s still comparison but with benchmarking you are comparing metrics to see where you are in relation to where you want to be. Example, if your goal is to be promoted in four years and on average it takes five you know you need to do some big things to cut off that year. The reverse is true as well if it takes you six or seven you need to take a look at your performance and address any deficiencies.
At the end of the day we live with ourselves. The only person that can change our circumstances is us. Defining success for yourself is the first step to achieving it otherwise you are working to achieve other people’s definitions while pushing away your own happiness.
