Do you ever feel like you don’t belong? Has someone told you, you’re “too much?” Or do you find yourself playing small and dimming your light to fit in? Please, stop it. These self-limiting beliefs are eroding your self-confidence. You know what’s worse? They aren’t even your beliefs. You’re probably receiving subtle (or maybe not-so-subtle) messages at work or in your relationship from someone else, and your brain is magnifying them. 

You’re a unicorn, and real unicorns flaunt their horns. Embrace your uniqueness and boost your confidence starting right now!

Let’s Dispel These Myths, and I Don’t Mean Unicorns

First of all, if you are reading this, that means you were born, and if you were born, that means you belong. Second, you’re enough. Not too much. Not too little. Sometimes we come across people whose smallness can’t contain our greatness. Those are the people who’ve given up their horn and want you to give up yours too. Misery loves company, truly. Third, you don’t have to play small. You need to play in a stadium that was built for and expects your greatness. 

Throughout my career, I have received feedback that I need to “tone it down” or “play ball” or, I was literally told to be like two other people on the team. I’ve been counseled, consistently, to be someone other than Nile. Let me caveat that, only by poor managers or people who have the leadership title but aren’t actually leaders. In my early twenties, I worked in securities trading. On a good day, it’s a tough industry in which to work. I felt as if every time I opened my mouth, I would be reprimanded while my male colleagues went all in. 

I came across Marianne Williamson’s quote,

“There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you.” I did a search to learn more. Yes, I had access to the internet then, lol. I found the entire passage that starts with, “Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.”

With my mind blown, I posted it on my cubical wall so I could reflect on it daily. And yes, I was reprimanded for it. 

Embrace Your Unicorn, It’s Your Superpower

Embracing your uniqueness is hard enough when you’re by yourself. How do you do it when others are looking? Everyone is born with talents. Think of humanity as the most gigantic puzzle you’ve ever attempted to solve. Every person is a piece of it. When you act as someone other than who you are, you change your shape, making it impossible to fit into the puzzle. But, when you’re not in the puzzle, the rest of us can’t see the bigger picture. Stop letting people jam you in where THEY think you should be.

Take a moment to think about your superpower. What is that you uniquely bring to the world? And before you say you don’t have one. You absolutely do. If you’re anything like me, you spent way too much time proving your superpower is something more acceptable that you forgot what it is. People are leaving the workforce to start their own companies or quitting bosses they can’t work for anymore. A large part of the reason, according to Gallup, is lack of development. Yes, do what you have to do so you can eventually do what you want to. However, at some point, the unicorn in you will start kicking. Embrace it.

Push Back on Nay-Sayers (Get It…Nay-Sayers)

You know, horses say nay. Nevermind. Horses may say ‘nay’, but unicorns say “move b*tch get out the way.” While we’ve all dreamt of telling someone what they can do with their opinion in a blaze of glory. Resist the urge. As Beyonce says, “just stay gracious, the best revenge is your paper.” 

Here’s what you can do instead. Ask questions. For example, one of the confidence-killers a unicorn often hears, especially women, is that they’re intimidating. This is typically code. The thing to remember is you’re likely not intimidating, they’re intimidated. One is an act, and the other is a feeling. It’s a small distinction with a big difference. If you’re actively attempting to scare someone or humiliate them, you’re being intimidating. If you’re voicing your disagreement professionally and respectfully in a meeting and the recipient doesn’t like it, they’re intimidated. 

The problem with words such as intimidating, bossy, or aggressive, aside from rarely being used to describe men, is that it causes people to second-guess their decisions and actions. An internal process of self-monitoring begins to take over. And it can slowly chip away at one’s self-confidence. This reaction can lead to getting quiet in meetings or afraid to take calculated risks. 

Whether you’re a man or woman, if you receive this feedback, do not refute it. Instead, say ‘tell me more about that. Can you provide examples’? Then wait. If it’s silent, let the silence hang there between you until you receive examples that include context. If the person is a good or great leader or communicator, they will be able to provide examples. That’s a discussion. You might be intimidating. And it’s an opportunity to improve and grow.

Live Your Best Unicorn Life 

Whether you’re struggling to be yourself at work or in a relationship or wherever, you must create a space where you can live your best life. When I wasn’t being developed at work, I started a blog. Not this one. Initially, it was a creative outlet. Then I started teaching myself how to make websites, do social media, and digital marketing. Pretty soon, I was bringing my outside talents to work. 

Wine grapes can’t just grow anywhere. The soil and climate need to be conducive to encourage growth and produce a flavorful wine. You can’t become an elegant cabernet living in someone’s else’s cornfield.

It’s okay to take time for yourself and have a place where you can cultivate your gift. Many successful entrepreneurs say this how they got started with their business. An interest became a side hustle, and then it became the main hustle. Find other people who share your same interests and gifts. It will be a release of pent up energy, and you’ll be able to grow. Think about it. Wine grapes can’t just grow anywhere. The soil and climate need to be conducive to encourage growth and produce a flavorful wine. You can’t become an elegant cabernet living in someone’s else’s cornfield. 

This is likely the stage where you’ll start a path of self-discovery that will take you to places you never expected. Self-education is critical for unicorns. Read books about topics that interest you. Take courses to expand your possibilities. And you may want to consider high-performance coaching to help you determine your next move. Regardless, my dear unicorn — flaunt your horn!

Let me know your thoughts in the comments below. My promise is to create content that is inspirational, informational, and implementable. If you’re craving more excellent material on how to gain clarity, set goals, and get things done, subscribe below and follow me at @iamnileharris on Twitter, Instagram, and Facebook.