The coronavirus pandemic is an unprecedented time, not only in our country’s history but also in our human history. COVID-19 has torn through our healthcare system, laid waste to our economy, and separated us to flatten the curve. It has left most of us feeling anxious, scared, unemployed, or businesses devasted. During this time, it can be hard to cope while hoping for better times. There is a fantastic outpouring of resources to help people meditate, practice gratitude, and focus on staying healthy. You know what else? It’s okay to cry when you feel it. Need to scream – yeah, that’s alright too. The key to resilience is to know you must bring up anger or anxiety to release it so you can productively focus on the problems at hand to come up with solutions.

The Value of Crying

I’m going to fill you in on a secret. Not too many people know this about me. It’s a strange fact. When I was in grade school, probably around 13 years old, I would watch depressing or sad TV shows and movies and cry. The whole purpose of me watching the shows was to cry. Two of my favorites were China Beach and Thirty Something. When I was a child, I would make my Mom sing me a bedtime song that would make me bawl. The song, Saturday Morning, is about two friends going out to enjoy the day together. But without fail, I would beg my mother to sing the ‘sad song’ so I could go to sleep.

My parents, understandably concerned, eventually asked what the deal was with these ‘depressing-ass grown-up shows.’ To which I responded, I just like to cry. For me crying was, and still is, a way to release tension. The feelings we shove down inside have to come out somehow. And crying seems as productive a way to do it as any.

In a 2014 study, researchers concluded that crying is a self-soothing mechanism. Tears have a specific function. They keep the eyes moist, clear of debris, and clean. In humans, tears can be brought about by emotions, and this is what we experience as crying. The study showed that crying activates the parasympathetic nervous system (PNS) along with the release of oxytocin and endorphins, the happiness biochemicals. In general and non-scientific terms, the PNS is an involuntary response meant to calm the body. Think about what happens after a good cry. You take a deep breath in, and your body relaxes. You may attribute it to exhaustion, but it’s also the PNS at work.

The Japanese believe so strongly in crying as a therapeutic way to support mental health that they have organized clubs. Rui-katsu, which means ‘tear-seeking’, made an appearance in 2013 in Japan. Groups of people get together and, surprise, watch sad movies or TV shows to relieve stress. Perhaps, in addition to virtual happy hours, parties, and meditation, we could try a virtual rui-katsu. #NetflixAndWeep

There’s Nothing Like A Good Scream

Not into crying, how about screaming? While I don’t suggest you scream in your house or workplace lest you scare your neighbors and they call the police, you can try getting in the car, visiting an empty parking lot, and letting it rip. If you understandably can’t get outside, turn up the music and scream into a pillow. 

Much like crying, screaming provides a tension release. I’m not much for the screaming approach, but I have done it from time to time in my car. And by the way, this doesn’t include screaming at someone unless it’s okay with them. Some therapists use screaming as part of their practice, referred to as primal therapy. The inventor of primal therapy, Dr. Arthur Janov, believed that emotional repression was the “number one killer in the world”. Another effective way to let it out is to scream while singing the words to a song that resonates with you.

Screaming isn’t just for wrestlers or 80’s rock bands. It can be therapeutic. If you do an internet search, you will find plenty of recommended screaming methods.

Let’s Get Physical, Physical

The mind and body connection is significant. Calming the mind, breathing deeply, and taking a few moments of solitude are excellent. But what if you’re someone who needs to get into their body to relieve stress. That’s me. Exercise has a positive impact on stress reduction. But I’m talking about more than going for a walk or run, what about hitting something? Specifically, hitting a punching bag or speed bag, or kicking a soccer ball, or knocking the snot off a baseball in a batting cage. 

One of the reasons for making physical contact with an object is that it allows for the transfer of energy. Something I like to do is pretend the ball or punching bag is someone or something that makes me angry. In this case, I picture the coronavirus and I go town. It’s a healthy way to direct negative feelings toward a person or event, get them out, so you can have a productive discussion with the person. Or, in the case of coronavirus, gain perspective. 

Change Your State, Change Your Circumstance

After you’ve brought up the anxiety or anger, and addressed it by crying, screaming, or physical activity, your mind is free to focus on solutions. Your body is in a more relaxed state, enabling you to see the situation more clearly and engage creativity to approach challenges in new ways. To paraphrase Albert Einstein, we can’t fix a problem using the same mindset that created it. We weather the storm by changing our mindstate and allowing ourselves to see things from a new perspective. We can’t change the events surrounding COVID-19, but we can change how we react to it. 

The economy will take a long time to recover. And it may take people years to recover financially. Everyone will need to deal with their mental health, because the only way out of a storm is through it. You’ll be in the storm regardless. How you handle it will determine how quickly you’ll be able to recover. Therefore cry if you must, scream if you want, punch a pillow if you need to – you must release mental toxins so your brain can set about solving the problem. 

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