Coaching is an essential element of growth and improvement. Using football as an analogy, the head coach is responsible for overall strategy while his (hopefully one day, her) team of coaches focuses on tactics within their specified area. Since I’m missing my beloved Illini and Wolverines this fall, I’m using football to explain the five reasons why I’m not the coach for you.
Reason #1 – I Believe In Unicorns Not Uniforms
If you are looking for ways to fit in or be accepted, I’m not the coach for you. Who said you have to be like everyone else? School? Yep, because they are doing a one-size-fits-all approach, so they don’t really like outliers too much. Work? Yeah, because things go more smoothly when everyone goes along to get along.
I don’t subscribe to the notion that at 18, we choose our destiny and that we can only be that one thing until we retire. Then after we retire, we sit around waiting to die. Grim, I know. But I’m not alone in that belief,
“Most people die at 25 and aren’t buried until they’re 75” -Benjamin Franklin
My recommendation is to always embrace what makes you special and unique and flaunt it. One of the exercises I have my warriors complete is to name and claim their superpower. This is not to say that you shouldn’t attempt to have collegial and collaborative relationships with the people you work with or interact with regularly. I am saying you don’t have to give up your authentic self to be a productive and engaging member of the group.
And if fitting in is the way to go, why is it that the CEOs and founders of the companies are standouts? When they write their bios, they don’t focus on how much they were like everyone else. When you write your resume or interview for a job, do you say ‘I was like everyone else on my team, so you should hire me’? No, you don’t.
Reason #2 – I’m A Goal Getter Not A Wish-Maker
You already know I love American football, but I grew up playing football, or soccer for us Americans. When I first started playing around eight or nine years old on a co-ed team, I played defense. My coach, a longtime family friend, thought I was best suited to play fullback.
One day during practice, I kicked the ball from the goal box passed the midline. You could have heard a pin drop on that field. Everyone stopped to look at me. The coach runs out to me and when he reaches me, he bends down to my eye level to ask if I’ve been able to kick like that the entire time. Shuffling as I looked down at my feet, I mumbled ‘yes.’ He moved me up to forward, and I’ve been playing that position ever since. I don’t have the attention span to play defense. And I prefer being on the attack.
After college, I continued to play in rec leagues in Chicago. There was one game where I was struggling, every shot I took on goal was a wild miss. The Stopper came up to me and, in his English accent, said, “C’mon Harris, you have one bloody job, put the ball in the net. Literally, your job is to get goals; otherwise, what else do you forwards do?”.
After his chiding, I would like to say I manage to get one in the net, but I didn’t. It was an off day. However, that phrase stuck with me throughout my life and career. My job is to get goals. When I work with people, we begin by setting a SMART goal. This is results-based coaching, and we must have something to work toward.
If you prefer a coach where you go from session to session discussing whatever is on the slate for that week, that’s fabulous. That works for some people. But I’m not the coach for you.
Reason #3 – I Make Plans Not Excuses
Have you ever seen a Super Bowl-winning team out on the field winging it? No, you haven’t. They began the year with a plan that started with the draft. At the end of the season, they assess talent on and off the field and uncover their gaps. They then hire to fill those gaps through the draft, player trading, and filling coaching positions.
With a set roster, they focus on their book of plays. They match up who is best suited for what positions. Who starts and who is second string. They practice to improve their strengths and bolster their vulnerabilities. It is a well-orchestrated machine.
When the season begins, they have already decided how they want the season to end, as Super Bowl champions. Regardless of whether they succeed, the coach has set a goal for the team and crafted a plan. Everyone knows the plan, even the press and fans know the plan.
If you want to experience transformation in your life, it starts with setting a goal, and it continues with writing down a specific plan of how you will achieve that vision. If that sounds like it may be too much work or it’s not your thing, alas, I may not be the coach for you.
Reason #4 – I Believe In Action Not Activity
Here’s the thing about coaching, it can’t happen unless the player suits up, gets on the field, and plays. The coach can’t advise the quarterback on his throwing and maneuvering unless he throws the ball.
In this example, let’s say that suiting up is an activity. Yes, it’s necessary to have the uniform and the pads, but it isn’t playing. Going out on the field, calling for the snap, and passing the ball is the action. How that translates into our everyday lives is we decide to start a business and order pens, printer paper, and business cards (activity). Still, we never call prospective clients, run ads, or network (action).
For your coach to be an effective partner in your growth, you must pass the ball. So, if you prefer suiting up but not passing the ball, I’m not the coach for you.
Reason #5 – I Believe In Courageous Conversations Not Complaining
One of the ways football players improve their performance is by watching their tapes. They take copious notes on what they did well and where they need to improve. Their positional coach (e.g., Offensive Coach) will work up a development program with them. It’s an act of courage to evaluate your own performance week after week and then have someone else hold you accountable.
Coaching isn’t therapy, but it does require the pulling back of layers to sift through information to separate symptoms from the condition. You have to be open and willing to evaluate your performance week after week and trust a coach to hold you accountable by peeling back the layers.
Of course, reveal only that which you feel comfortable sharing, but if you are not ready to sit in discomfort, look at yourself in the mirror, and dig deep, I am not the coach for you.
I am obviously a believer in all types of coaching. I wasn’t always. The first coach that I used my own money to invest in was a disaster. Every coach has a style and philosophy. Find the right fit for you.
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