The question is, are you undervaluing yourself?
Hi – I am about to get in all of your business with some radical and inconvenient truths about how you value yourself. I know because I was doing it too.
When I tell people that I do executive and life coaching, people ask two questions, but never at the same time. The first question is, how much? The second question is, how did you get started doing that? I’ll address the latter.
In 2011, I started doing independent consulting. You may be familiar with my story that I found myself suddenly in need of a Plan B for work. Even though I went back to working at a company, I always kept my business on the side. Mostly because I liked the creative outlet. Still do. I could create content all day. It’s my happy place. In 2016, after amassing a great deal of skills and experiences, I started volunteering at the Nashville Entrepreneur Center as a business advisor. It was a few hours a week, volunteering my time advising healthcare startups.
Three years later, I was back doing independent consulting for a while. I was advising a CEO on his strategy, and he mentioned receiving feedback from his staff on his leadership style. After walking him through the situation, he said, “you’re such a good coach.” To which I responded, “I’m not a coach”. After a few moments, he broke the silence by saying that I was literally coaching him. And then he said the words that unlocked my brain, “You’re a coach. You’re just an unpaid coach.”
Fast forward to the end of 2019, when I took a course and received coaching on how to be a coach. I created the Warrior Unleashed coaching program based on high-performing strategies and tactics and charged appropriately. The moral of the story is, I was giving away a skill and my experiences for free because I didn’t value them.
I was giving away a skill and my experiences for free because I didn’t value them.
Where are you doing this in your life?
STOP: Giving Away Your Credit
Raise your hand if, when you get a compliment, you deflect it to the team or dumb luck. We all do it. This deflection is the manifestation of undervaluing your skills or experience. Yes, you should always give credit where credit is due. With that said, when you receive a compliment for your work, in whole or in part, your first and only response needs to be “THANK YOU!” AND CLOSE YOUR MOUTH.
Why am I shouting? Because I witness colleagues and clients do this consistently. The compliment makes them uncomfortable, so they begin talking themselves out of it. However, what you are telegraphing to the giver of the feedback is that you’re not the one with the skill. Multiple times, I’ve stopped the person and told them to accept the compliment.
This is what you should start doing instead #gratitude
When you are the team leader, say thank you and express gratitude for the opportunity to lead the initiative and point out some key learnings. THEN highlight the members of the team and their contributions.
Thank you for that compliment. This was a fascinating project because it required that we look at things differently. It allowed me to use my strategic skills and challenged me to lean on my creativity. Mary, Todd, and Damon were integral in making it happen. Mary has an eye for detail, Todd is incredibly creative, and Damon knows how to get stuff done.
The result is you have demonstrated your value AND telegraphed the value of the people you lead, thus helping them generate value.
Use Better Words
Words matter. I studied communications in undergrad. This included speech and hearing science, psychology, biopsychology, gender-specific, cultural differences, etc. My point is that I inherently understand that words matter and why. But I didn’t realize how everyday phrases devalued our presence, contributions, and standing in the culture. Words don’t only telegraph subtext to others, it programs how we view ourselves.
One of these everyday phrases I used frequently was “I’m free” in response to having time to meet or do something. Early in my career, I had an introverted manager like me. He didn’t say much, and when he did, he chose his words carefully. This was Heaven for me because our conversations were highly productive. Anyway, one day he asked if I was available for a meeting, to which I responded, “I’m free.” What he said next made me change that immediately.
“Really? Because my budget says otherwise. You are most certainly not free.” 🧐😳 His point? I should say that I’m available (or not) rather than free because it can send an unintended message about my worth. “Available” telegraphs that I can share my most valuable resource, time.
This is what you should start doing instead #wordsmatter
Reflect on those everyday phrases you use without thinking and swap them out with more meaningful statements to telegraph value or don’t diminish your value. Don’t go for perfection. I don’t do this 100% of the time, but I do it most of the time.
Some examples include:
- Sorry to bother you. ➡️ Excuse the interruption.
- I just… ➡️ My intention is to…
- Do you mind if I… ➡️ I would like (or value) your opinion on…
- If that makes sense… ➡️ What questions do you have for me?
Mean It When You Say It $$$
Whether you are a business owner, service provider, or employee\job hunter, you may get squeamish when talking about money. Starbucks doesn’t mind selling a $2 cup of coffee for $6. The $4 is brand equity. Think about other areas of life when people quote ridiculous prices for the craziest things. And also consider that people pay it. People pay for what they value.
When you are asked what your price is or what your salary requirement is, don’t say it in the form of a question. State it from a place of experience, knowledge, and research. Listen, as a coach people tell me I’m too expensive all of the time. Well, I’m not for you. There are people who charge less than me. Some coaches charge $25/hour. Seriously. Do you know how many clients you would have to have per day\week\year to earn a living wage? Do you know there are people who charge $10,000 for a single one-hour coaching session? They need far fewer clients to earn a living wage.
Pricing is about value. People pay for the destination, not the journey. If after walking someone through the value of my coaching program they still don’t want to invest I have either not properly demonstrated my value or they want to stay where they are. Can it be that they truly can’t afford it? Yes. I have known people who are down to their last dimes who got coaching from somewhere. I’ve been on a super slim budget but paid for the coaching that helped me build a business and a brand. And understand this, the price will only go up as I gain mastery, more experience, and more results. Today’s price is not tomorrow’s price.
The same goes for communicating your salary expectations. You should do research to know the range, but don’t relegate yourself to the bottom of the range. Not only will people put themselves on the low end, but they will also place themselves under it.
This is what you should start doing instead #speakyourtruth
- Today, I’m offering my coaching at $X for the following benefits. [Stop. Do not keep talking. Let them respond or say ‘what questions do you have?’]
- According to my research of your company, this type of position, and my skill set, my salary expectation is between A and B. [Stop talking]
Stop Letting Them Pick Your Brain For Free
One of the things about being a content creator is that I give away some of my best tips for free. I don’t tell you everything, but I tell my clients the same things I put in my content. The difference between free and paid content is the value. My coaching and business advising services are programs. We don’t jump on the phone and decide what we’ll talk about that day. Oh no. There is a program we will follow to uncover your strengths, opportunities, clearly align on goals, online educational content I developed, mindset shifts, and accountability.
All of this is why you can’t just go to my website and sign up. The details on the program are on my site, along with the price. If you’re interested, we still need to talk to make sure it’s the right program for you. I have turned people away if I felt this wasn’t the right program for them or they weren’t ready.
When people pop in my DMs, and they do, asking for help or advice, I offer some input or feedback. But when they want to pick my brain, I send them a link to my Pick My Brain Power Hour. I charge for that time (unless I’m volunteering through the Entrepreneur Center).
You have a gift or talent that you are giving a way for free. That’s cool. But you could be using your gifts to power your personal economy.
The same is true if you’re a willing employee. The company pays you for your expertise, collaborating with colleagues, and letting them pick your brain. But the people who don’t work at your company don’t get that knowledge for free, even if they’re hitting you up on #LinkedIn.
Let me put this a different way.
If your company pays you $X amount for your time, knowledge, and experience, that’s an indication of your value to them. WHY are you giving the same time, knowledge, and experience away for free. Your clearly have value. (And if your company isn’t paying you your worth, that’s a different discussion. Get a career coach.)
I’ll let that set in. It was a big aha moment for me – that I should be charging for my expertise (consulting) and my coaching.
This is what you should start doing instead #KnowYourWorth
Figure out your superpower and develop your value proposition in 1-2 sentences. Then monetize some of your time. I’m not suggesting you quit your job, this could be a nice side hustle that brings in vacation money. Or, what it was for me, when life threw me lemons, I planted the seeds and made lemon trees 🍋 of endless possibilities for myself.
If you own your business without seeing the results you care to see, re-visit your value proposition. Communicate it concisely and state the level of investment (instead of price). And if you’re not sure how to do that or what I mean by that, here is a free resource to help you with the right mindset shifts and actions.
If you agree with what I’m saying on the surface, but you’re not sure how to make it manifest or you’re feeling stuck, I have good news for you. First, you’re not stuck, you’re still. Second, the feeling of stillness means that you know there’s something more for you, but you don’t know how to get there.
At the end of the day, I want you to understand you have value simply because you breathe. Now, warrior up and start creating, owning, and telegraphing your worth.
