Are You Playing Not To Lose Or To Win

A few minutes into the movie Crazy Rich Asians, the female lead, Rachel Chu, is engaged in an intense game of poker with Curtis. Without breaking eye contact, she exclaims she is all in. Curtis, shook by her confidence, folds. Rachel, an economics professor, reveals her hand. And Curtis, her teaching assistant, is left dismayed because the only thing she had was confidence. The lights turn on to reveal a student-filled auditorium to whom she explained Curtis’ behavior as Game Theory. He wasn’t playing to win, he was playing not to lose. Is this you?

When we focus on what we can lose, we forfeit what we can gain. Today is the fifth principle of the warrior, Invictus. A warrior plays to win.

Are You Folding Before You Fold?

Invictus is Latin for unconquered. This is my favorite principle. I even love how the word sounds. It embodies grit and tenacity. The challenge can be known or unknown, but it doesn’t stop you from meeting the threat on the battlefield and giving your all for the win.

Going back to Curtis for a moment. He folded mentally before he folded physically, even though he was in a low-risk environment. This was a demonstration for class, it wasn’t like his house was on the line. At most, his ego would take a hit. And yet, he viewed the loss with the same level of gravity.

Have you ever folded mentally before you folded physically? You told yourself a story that you weren’t going to achieve your goal, so you tapped out. We’ve all done it. We’ve all been Curtis. It’s called loss aversion. And our brains are designed that way.

The World Is Setup To Trigger Your Fear Of Loss

Don’t be too hard on yourself. We humans barely stand a chance in a world that is designed to trigger a fear of loss for gain. The brain is actually designed to focus on the negative. I’ll prove it. In your last review or feedback session, did you have a list of glowing praise with one area for growth, and you spent the rest of the day focused on the growth?

The brain is set up with a negativity bias. Its primary role is to keep us alive, so it’s constantly scanning for danger (loss) and discouraging change. The brain doesn’t care if the change serves you, it doesn’t like change. But as if that isn’t bad enough, people figured this out. Advertisers figured out scarcity sells. People are more motivated to buy because they don’t want to miss out rather than because they want to gain something. News networks figured out that if they fill the airwaves with FUD (fear, uncertainty, doubt) that people would want to eat and drink to ease their anxiety. Who better to sponsor news programs? Pay attention to the commercials that air during the news. Some companies or people in leadership positions use fear as a management strategy.

Every day we walk through a world that is designed to trigger a fear response. With that said, we can take control of our thoughts and not be Curtis.

Hit Alt + Ctrl + Del On Your Programming And Play To Win (Trigger Alert 🌰)

The last college football season brought us one of the greatest stories of a mindset shift to winning, but I may be biased. The University of Michigan 💛💙 and Ohio State football rivalry is arguably one of the greatest college football rivalries of our era. The backstory has been told extensively in documentaries and countless articles. Essentially, it comes down to coaches Bo Schembechler and Woody Hayes, who severely disliked one another. Schembechler became one of Michigan’s greatest coaches, and Hayes led the Buckeyes as one of theirs.

The Michigan and Ohio State game is one of the most-watched and contentious matches of the year. Increased security measures are put in place to help maintain the peace on and off the field. For eight straight years, Ohio State beat Michigan, resulting in several coaches losing their job and current coach, Jim Harbough, nearly losing his. That is until he leaned into a mindset shift after the 2020-2021 season, where he took a pay cut in exchange for another opportunity to secure a win against Ohio State. What happened next was extraordinary.

He took the feedback on his coaching style and strategy. Though it was tough, he asked for help and made critical staff changes that resulted in a state of play that was different from his own. For the 2021-2022 season, Harbough gave up his way, the old way, in favor of the best way. Something else incredible happened, the players also shifted their mindsets. Their singular focus became building a team that would win together. It was not to beat Ohio State but to win as a team regardless of the opponent.

On November 27, 2021, the Michigan Wolverines convincingly beat the Buckeyes 42-27.

Harbough is arguably one of the best college football coaches in history. But not because of one [impressive] win. When he stopped focusing on what he could lose, he discovered how to win. He focused on developing a team of well-rounded men who could positively contribute to society. Aidan Hutchinson, one of the players leading this mindset change, was the first defensive player to be a finalist for the Heisman since 2012 and went number two overall in the NFL draft. (Side note, the only defensive player to win a Heisman was Charles Woodson, also a Wolverine, in 1997. IJS).

When Harbough shifted his mindset, he gave permission to others to shift theirs. If the leader is operating from a loss mindset, so will those they lead.

How Do You Know When It’s Time To Quit?

Yeah, so I just spent this entire article telling you not to quit, and now I’m telling you to quit. There are times when Invictus can be toxic. There are times when quitting something that doesn’t serve you takes courage.

If you don’t feel a fire in your belly and believe to your core that you are doing what you are meant to be doing at that moment. It may be time to quit. Only you know that. There’s no checklist I can give you for that. Quitting is sometimes the pathway to winning.

I will say this – if your fear of staying the same is greater than your fear of change, you are in the jump zone. Spread your wings.